Stan Freberg St. George and the Dragonet
Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true
Only the needle should be changed to protect the record
St. George: This is the countryside
My name is St. George
I'm a knight
Saturday, July 10th. 8:05 pm
I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch
when a call came in from the Chief
A dragon had been devouring maidens
Homicide. My job: slay him
St. George: You call me, Chief
Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens
The King's daughter may be next
St. George: Mmm-hmm. You got a lead
Chief: Oh, nothing much to go on.
Say, did you take that .45 automatic
into the lab to have them check on it
St. George: Yeah. You were right
Chief: I was right
St. George: Yeah. It was a gun
8:22 pm. I talked to one of the maidens
who had almost been devoured
St. George: Could I talk to you, Ma'am
Maiden: Who are you
St. George: I'm St. George, Ma'am
Homicide, Ma'am
Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am
I understand you were almost devoured by the dragon, Ma'am
Is that right, dragon
Maiden: It was terrible.
He breathed fire on me
He burned me already
St. George: How can I be sure of that, Ma'am
Maiden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth
St. George: 11:45 pm. I rode over the King's Highway.
I saw a man. Stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, Sir
Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir
Knave: Sure, I don't mind
St. George: What do you do for a living
Knave: I'm a knave
St. George: Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts
Knave: Yeah, so what
Do you wanna make a federal case out of it
St. George: No, Sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood.
We just want to know if you've seen him.
Knave: Sure, I've seen him
St. George: Mmm-hmm. Could you describe him for me
Knave: What's to describe. You see one dragon, you seen 'em all
St. George: Would you try to remember, Sir
Just for the record
We just want to get the facts, Sir
Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .
St. George: Yes, Sir
Knave: Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .
St. George: Mmm-hmm.
Knave: And one big bloodshot eye
right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that
St. George: Notice anything unusual about him
Knave: No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know
St. George: Mmm-hmm. Yes, Sir. You can go now
Knave: Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him
St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet
3:05 pm. I was riding back into the courtyard
to make my report to the lab
Then it happened. It was the dragon
Dragon: Hey! I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon
You must be St. George, right?
St. George: Yes, Sir
Dragon: I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords
St. George: That's about the size of it
Dragon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You slay me
St. George: That's what I wanted to talk to you about
Dragon: What do you mean
St. George: I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out
Dragon: What's the charge
St. George: Devouring maidens out of season
Dragon: Out of season
You'll never pin that rap on me
Do you hear me, cop
St. George: Yeah, I hear you
I got you on a 412 too
Dragon: A 412
What's a 412?
St. George: Over-acting. Let's go
Narrator: On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted
His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked
Maiden devouring out of season is punishable
by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years