Green Velvet Answering Machine
Hi Velvet, this is Taniqua. I hate to do this over the phone, but I sorta cant do it in person. I wanna say thank you for the engagement ring. I know you probably gave it to me after I told you I’m pregnant and stuff. And we’ve been going together for such a long time but……the babys not yours so you don’t have to worry about it. I’ll always love you”.
I don't need this shit!
Tuesday 8 am
“Hello Mr Velvet. This is your landlord calling. I’m calling to notify you that your being evicted from your apartment due to the excessive noise coming from your place and also the naked girl that was running down your hall last week doesn’t help.
So…erm…we need you to be out of there by Monday of next week. And please don’t make any noise until then. Have a nice day”.
I don't need this shit!
Wednesday 6 pm
“Hi man name is Bob, I’m calling from the Psychic Friends Network. I’m calling to give you your horoscope for today….and it looks bad. As a matter of fact your life looks bad. I say, stay in the house today, tomorrow and forever. Because your chart shows that your life is over…….”.
I don't need this shit!
Thursday 10 am
“Hi Velvet, this is LaShaan. I know you’re surprised to be hearing from me but I got your number from your mum. She told me that you wouldn’t mind so I’m calling you…and I’m going to keep calling. And I’m going to be calling you today, tomorrow and the next day……Do you have a problem with that? I know you love me….(uncontrollable laughs)”.
I don't need this shit!
Friday 9 pm
“Yo Velvet, what’s up? this is your boy Tyrone…I’m over here getting high with your girl Taniqua and shit….and she told me all the shit that happened. Man, between me you, I could have told you she was no good because she let me hit that shit once too before, you know…you know…but err…hold on a second…..( how tough is motherfucker how tough is ) yeah shes fucking up the rotation…..but err….Oh yeah man, I had this dope party at your crib last week it was the boooooomb………”.
Fuck this shit!
Saturday
“You have…no new messages”.
