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"My Daddy"  |
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15 Rules to Live By |
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20th Century Hostilities |
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40 Years in Comedy |
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400,000 American Musical Favorites |
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A Couple of Other Questions |
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A Few More Farts |
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A Few More Oxymorons |
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A Name by Any Other Name |
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A Place for My Stuff |
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A Place for Your Stuff |
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A Proposition |
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Acknowledgments |
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Action 6 News |
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Activists |
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Advertising Lullaby |
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Advertising Lullabye |
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Advice |
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Air Pollution & Seven Things I'm Tired Of |
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Airline Announcements |
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Airline Flight Attendants |
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Airlines |
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Airport Security |
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Al Gore's Actions |
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American Bullshit |
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An Incomplete List of Impolite Words |
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Angels |
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Another Objection on Language |
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Another Problem for Women... |
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Answering Machines |
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Anything but the Present |
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Appropriate Names |
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Asshole, Jackoff, Scumbag |
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Asylums |
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Autoerotic Asphyxia |
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Avant Garde Play |
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Baby Slings |
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Baseball and Football |
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Baseball-Football |
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Battered Plants |
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Be Well |
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Beliefs |
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Birth Control |
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Birthday Party |
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Black Consciousness |
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Blind Girls |
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Blue Food |
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Bodily Functions |
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Body Curiosity |
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Britain's Return of Hong Kong |
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Bullshit |
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Bumper Sticker |
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Burns & Carlin |
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Business 10 Steps |
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Businessmen |
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Camcorder |
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Canadians |
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Capt. Jack & Jolly George |
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Captain Jack and Jolly George |
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Carlin on Campus |
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Cars & Driving |
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Casual on a Cell Phone |
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Cats & Dogs |
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Channel 7 Editorial |
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Childhood Cliches |
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Children |
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Children Are Our Future |
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Cigars |
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Clerks, Hankies and Emma |
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Closing |
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Coast-to-Coast Emergency |
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Colon Powell |
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Comedy and Pain |
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Comedy's Evolution |
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Comitting the Perfect Double Murder |
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Commercials |
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Confession |
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Cookies |
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Countryside Battles |
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Cute Little Farts |
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Daytime Television |
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Dead Parents Helping |
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Dear Friend |
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Death |
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Death Penalty |
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Deaths of Supercelebrities |
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Debbie's Checkup |
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Deceased |
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Declare War |
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Divorce Game |
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Do, Take, Have, Give |
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Dogs & Forever |
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Dogs Come in All Sizes |
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Dogs Don't Care |
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Dogs on TV |
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Domestic Terrorism |
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Don't Pull the Plug on Me |
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Don't Say to a Comedian |
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Drinking and Driving |
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Driving |
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Driving in Traffic |
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Drugs |
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Dumb Americans |
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Early Boarding |
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Early Influences |
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Earrings |
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Ed Sullivan Self Taught |
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Ed Sullivan Self-taught |
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Elmo's Song / Johnny Badcheck |
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Entertaining a Four Year Old |
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Entropy & Disorder |
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Euphamistic Language |
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Euphemisms |
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Euphemisms 2 |
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Every Child Is Special |
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Expressions |
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Expressions (In the Privacy of Your Own Home) |
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Extreme Human Behavior |
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Eye Blaster |
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Falling Asleep |
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Familiar Expressions |
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Family Newsletters |
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Farting in Public |
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Favorite Period of Time |
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Fear of Germs |
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Feminist Blowjob |
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Fifth Announcements |
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Filthy Words |
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Fire Dept. Tip |
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First Announcements |
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First Time Funny |
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First Time Human Sacrifice |
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Five Twos |
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Flesh Colored Band-Aids |
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Flying |
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Food Terms |
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Football Cheers |
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For Names' Sake |
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Forward / Rice Krispies |
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Fourth Announcements |
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Free Breast Examinations |
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Free Speech |
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Free-Floating Hostility: Quote Marks in the Air / Badda-Boom, Badda-Bing / Bad Hair Day / I Heard That / My Needs Aren't Being Met / Mickey Mouse's Birthday / The Two Pandas in the Zoo / Sperm/Egg Donors, Etc. / Innocent Victims / Personal Bottle |
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Fuck You, I Like These Kinds of Jokes |
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Fun You Can Have |
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Fussy Eater |
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Fussy Eater, Part 1 |
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Fussy Eater, Part 2 |
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Gay Lib |
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George Carlin |
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George Carlin Book Club |
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George's Disc Jockey Theme and Show Opening |
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Give a Hoot |
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God |
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God Bless America |
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Goin' Through My Address Book |
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Golf Courses for the Homeless |
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Good Bye |
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Good Ideas |
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Good Sports |
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Goofy Shit |
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Graceful Death |
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Grandchildren |
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Grass Swept the Neighborhood |
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Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread |
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Groups and Charities |
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Guacamole |
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Gun Enthusiasts |
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Guys & Dolls, Part 1: Ladies First |
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Handicaps / I'm Tired |
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Hands-Free Telephone Headsets |
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Harley Davidson |
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Have a Nice Day |
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Head Blew Up |
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Headlines |
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Heavy Mysteries |
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Hello-Goodbye |
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Henry the VIII |
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Herb Coolhouse |
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Heroes Who Died for Their Country |
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He's Smiling Down |
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Hi Mom! |
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High on the Plane |
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Hitchhiking (long version) |
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Hitchhiking (short version) |
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Hobos |
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House of Blues |
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How to Handle a Heckler |
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How's Everybody Doin' |
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How's Your Dog? |
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I Can't Recall |
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I Like People |
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I Love My Dog |
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I Used To Be Irish Catholic |
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Ice Box Man |
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Icebox Man |
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I'm Musical |
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Instructions |
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Interview With Jesus |
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Intro |
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Introduction |
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Irish Guys |
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It's Your Body-Fearless Fashions |
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Jesus Christ |
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Join the Book Club |
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Just Before You Die |
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Just For Fun |
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Keeping People Alert |
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Kids and Parents: Children Are Overrated / They're Not All Cute / They're Not All Smart / Too Much Safety / Guns in School / School Uniforms / Kids Who Smoke / Anal Parents |
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Kids Are Too Small |
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Killer Carlin |
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Landmines |
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Language of Comedy/Goodbye |
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Last Meal |
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Latest Disaster |
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Left Wing Non-Sense |
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Legal Advice |
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Lenny Bruce |
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Let's Beat Them With Our Purses! |
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Let's Make a Deal |
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Letter to a Friend |
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Life's Little Moments |
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List of People Who Ought to Be Killed |
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Little Moments |
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Little Things We Share |
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Locations |
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Losing Things |
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Losing Your Place |
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Lost & Found |
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Love and Regards |
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Man Stuff: Slugfest / Cut-Off Sleeves / Barbed Wire Tattoo / Lead, Follow or Get Outta the Way / Police Sensitivity Training |
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Meaning of Life |
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Mental Brain Thoughts |
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Mental Hot Foots |
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Minority Language: Happens to Be / Openly / Urban / Girlfriend |
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Missing |
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Modern Man |
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Monopoly |
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More Euphemisms |
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More Random Thoughts (Peacekeeping Force) |
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More Redundant Expressions |
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More Shorties |
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More Stuff on Cars and Driving |
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Mort Sahl |
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Mothers Club |
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Mother's Club |
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Moths |
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Motivation Seminars |
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Mr. Policeman |
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Muhammad Ali - America the Beautiful |
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Muhammad Ali / America the Beautiful |
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Music on Answering Machines |
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My Childhood |
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My Dog |
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Names |
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NASA-Holes |
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New News |
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New Sports |
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New York Voices |
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News Descriptions |
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News Report Death of Humpty Dumpty |
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Nice Days |
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No Brown in the Rainbow |
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No Complaining About Politicians |
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No More Old People |
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No One Questions Things |
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Nursery Rhymes |
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Nuts in Cake & Toenail Clippings |
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Observations |
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Occupation: Foole |
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Old Fashioned |
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Old Fuck |
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Old Time Radio Favorites |
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On the Road |
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One More Thing You Don't Need |
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Opening |
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Opposed to Singing |
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Orchestra |
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Organ Donor Programs |
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Organ Donors |
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Pandas |
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Parents' Cliches and Children's Secret Answers |
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Parents in Hell |
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Parents of Honor Students |
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Peace on You |
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Peas |
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People I Can Do Without |
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People Refuse to Be Realistic |
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People Who Misuse Credit Cards |
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People Who Oughta Be Killed: Self-Help Books |
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People Who Want to Know the Time |
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People Who Wear Visors |
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Person to Person |
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Physical Carlin |
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Point of View |
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Polically Incorrect |
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Politically Speaking |
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Politically Speaking (Cont'd) |
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Politics |
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Poor People |
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Popular Beliefs Rooted in Familiar Expressions |
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Posthumous Female Transplants |
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Preface |
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Prerequisites |
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Problems and Issues |
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Proud to Be an American |
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Public Affairs |
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Pyramid of the Hopeless |
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Quicksand |
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Quotes and Stuff |
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Radio Dial |
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Radio/TV Interviews |
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Rain. Dances. 007 |
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Raisin' a Child Is Not Difficult |
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Raisin Rhetoric |
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Random Thoughts (Recreational Drugs) |
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Rants |
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Reagan's Gang, Church People, and American Values |
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Reality Shows |
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Reality Shows (Cont'd) |
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Regional Differences |
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Reincarnation (Souls) |
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Religion |
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Religious Lift |
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Religious People |
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Reporting a Bombing |
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Respect |
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Restaurants |
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Retail |
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Retired People |
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Rice Krispies |
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Rich Guys in Hot Air Balloons |
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Rip-Offs |
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Road Rage |
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Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf |
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Rules, Rules, Rules! |
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Sacking a City |
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Safety Tips |
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Sandwich |
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Saying 'Hello' |
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Scab |
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Schmucks |
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Second Announcements |
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Secretary of Being in the Closet |
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Seventh Announcements |
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Sex & Violence |
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Sex Facts From Thailand |
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Sex in Commercials |
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Shitty Music |
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Shoot |
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Short Exchanges |
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Short Jokes |
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Silence |
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Singers With One Name |
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Sixth Announcements |
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Snapper Lawn Mowers |
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Snot, the Original Rubber Cement |
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Social Situations |
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Some Werds |
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Son of WINO |
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Special Dispensation - Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and Limbo |
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Special Dispensation: Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and Limbo |
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Sports |
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Sports Is Big Business |
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Sports Roundup |
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Standing Alone |
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State Prison Farms |
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Store Clerks |
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Structuring the Act |
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Stupid Bullshit |
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Stupid Bullshit on the Phone |
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Supermarket |
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Supermarkets |
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Swearing on the Bible |
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Takin' Off Yer Hat |
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Tattoos |
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Teenage Masturbation |
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Telephone Mimes |
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Television Announcers |
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Tell Claus I Said, 'Hello' |
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Telling Time |
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Terrorism |
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That's a Fine Howdoyado |
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The 11 O'Clock News |
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The All-Suicide TV Channel |
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The Big Change |
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The Business of Comedy |
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The Coney Island Recordings |
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The Confessional |
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The Cool World |
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The Evening News |
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The George Carlin Book Club Offer No.1-How to Titles |
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The Hair Piece |
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The Hallway Groups |
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The Indian Sergeant |
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The Laughter Reflex |
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The Male Disease |
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The Metric System |
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The New Zodiac |
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The Newscast |
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The Opening |
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The Original "Person to Person" |
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The Planet Is Fine |
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The 'Pre' Epidemic |
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The Red Sox (Socks) |
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The Self-Esteem Movement |
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The Sickest |
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The Suicide Guy |
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The Ten Commandments |
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The Vegas Incident |
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The Writer |
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There Is No God |
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They Want to Show You the Pictures |
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They're Only Words |
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Things to Watch Out For |
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Things We Say When People Die |
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Things You Don't Wanna Hear |
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Things You Never Hear |
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Things You Never See |
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Third Announcements |
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Thoughts |
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Thoughts & Facts |
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Three Little Words |
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Timing & Delivery |
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'Tippy' |
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Today's Professional Parents |
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Toledo Window Box |
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Traffic |
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Traffic Accidents - Keep Movin'! |
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Trying Stuff Out |
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Tumor Humor |
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TV Crap |
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TV Tonight: Playboy Channel / Jerry Springer / Little House on the Prairie / Willie Nelson |
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Ugly Singers |
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Ugly Women |
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Unrelated Things |
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Urinals Are 50 Percent Universal |
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Usage |
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Values |
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Values (How Much Is That Dog Crap in the Window?) |
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Vitamins |
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War |
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War Pictures |
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Warm and Cold |
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Wasted Time |
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Wasted Time / Sharing a Swallow |
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Watch Your Mouth |
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Water Sez |
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We Control Your Lives |
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Welcome to My Job |
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Well, Ya Gotta Live Someplace |
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What a Phone Call Should Be |
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What's My Motivation |
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When I Was Young |
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White Guys Who Shave Their Heads |
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White Harlem |
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Who's the Boss |
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Why We Don't Need 10 Commandments |
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Wishing Wells |
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Wonderful WINO (Top-40 Disc Jockey) |
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Words |
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Words We Leave Behind |
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Writing Techniques |
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Wurds |
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Yeast Infection |
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Y'ever |
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You & Me (Things That Come Off of Your Body) |
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You Have No Rights |
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You're Lost |
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Zero Tolerance |
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Zones |
