Dane Cook Car Alarm

There are certain sounds in this world, that when you hear them, they make you react in different ways. There are certain sounds that when it floats into your eardrum - and it goes high into your cerebellum - located near your limbic system - you hear the sound, you react in a certain way. Some sounds, soothing, right?
You hear like the sound of a babbling brook BLBLLBLBB
...maybe the sound of the dryer with the towels...rhrhhhrhhrh....rhhrhhr....that was a HORRIBLE impersonation of - I know, don't bull shit me, that was bad. That's the best I can do.....rhhhrhrhhrh....rhhh. I'm laundry in a dryer....it's like haunted laundry in there...rhrhhhrhrhrhrh.
...but THEN there are certain sounds in this world that for whatever reason, just the way it hits you, it makes you wanna punch a baby...
it makes you want to PUNCH a BABY...
GOD FORBID you're in a nursery when you hear that sound, you go on a baby punching tangent, you will start punching..*POP* WAHHHHHHHHH! *POP* WAHHHHHHH! *POP* WAHHHHHHHHHHH *POP* WAHHHHHHHHHH..
GOD HELP ME! It's the SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! *POP* WAHHHHHHHHHHH

I like when it's late at night and uh, I'm in bed, right? And I'm cozy... I'm watching Justice Files. Which is my favorite show. Right? (crowd cheers)
I'm glad you appreciate it like I do. Some times people come up to me and ask my why I like Justice Files, and I say it's simple. Cause I love justice! And I love files! And when the two come together, I could blow a justice-y load. I could blow a justic-y, file-y load!
But I like when you're laying in bed, cozy. All of the sudden, outside, you hear a car alarm go off for like 46 minutes. (Imatates car alarm sounds) It inspires me... I walk around my house... in fact one time... I wrote lyrics. Yeah, now when I hear one, I stand on my bed and sing. "Heeeellllllllloooooooo? I'm a caaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr!, Gas-o-line-makes-me-run, Baaaaackseat, Truuuuunk space, Heeeellllllllloooooooo!, Let's go for a riiiiiiide!, oil-is-my-blood, seeeeeat belts, radiooooo knobs." I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Hahahaha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"